Ghosts
by Wonderlandesque
Summary: She was a rogue - a skilled assassin, and a liar. I don't know why I trusted her, but I did. She never showed her true feelings to anyone, but I saw the pain she felt that nobody else could see. We were connected by our pain, our ghosts.  F!HawkexFenris
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! Sorry it's been so long, inspiration has been at a low lately, but I recently beat Dragon Age 2, and I'm flooded with ideas. I'm majorly obsessing over the game at the moment. I love Fenris. x3 Anyways, here's a story, told from Fen's point of view, about his relationship with Hawke. There's a lot of novelization, meaning I simply took dialogue directly from the game, but this is a fanfiction, so I'm going to include a lot of Fenris's thoughts that I imagine he had, and I'm also going to include some scenes and dialogue and such that wasn't in the game. So yeah, for all you Fen lovers out there, enjoy. :3_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age or its characters._

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_I'm not calling you a liar  
Just don't lie to me  
I'm not calling you a thief  
Just don't steal from me  
I'm not calling you a ghost  
Just stop haunting me  
And I love you so much  
I'm gonna let you kill me _

_-"I'm Not Calling You A Liar" by Florence And The Machine_

xxx

**Chapter I**

_I was nothing but a runaway slave from the Tevinter Imperium. I was not supposed to have a happy life, especially not the one I ended up having. Running away changed everything, but I wouldn't have been successful solely from running away. I would've been caught eventually, maybe. Or I would've been on the run forever._

_But no, that's not the way things turned out._

_Everything turned out better than I could have ever imagined, and all because of one woman, whom I met by mere chance. This woman, the Champion of Kirkwall, taught me more about life and loss than anything before._

"I don't know who you are, friend, but you made a _serious _mistake coming here."

I heard a voice bellow out nearby. I had made my way through Lowtown that night, killing all the bounty hunters that were trying to recapture me. I had killed all of their men, except for these last two. The captain, and his lieutenant. "Lieutenant! I want everyone in the clearing! Now!" The captain had no idea that I just killed this man, his lieutenant, hidden by the building that I stood behind.

Foolish bounty hunters. They'd never take me.

"Captain…" the lieutenant moaned as he hit the ground. As he did so, I revealed my presence.

"Your men are dead. Your trap has failed," I told the man waiting for me at the bottom of the steps. "I suggest running back to your master while you can." As I spoke and walked down the steps, I noticed the company in front of the man: A human man, wearing a robe and his hair pulled back, a human girl, and an odd little dwarf.

The group was led by a young woman, another human, and a rather beautiful one at that. Her skin was tan, its color illuminated by the moonlight, and her dark brown hair fell in soft curls at her shoulders, with bangs swooped to the side, nearly covering her left eye. Her wild eyes were dark, the irises a brown so dark that it was nearly black. She wielded two daggers, strapped to her at her back, ready for battle. I couldn't help but admire her appearance; she was gorgeous, with the look of an adventurer. She and the group behind her were covered in splatters of blood, and I assumed it was from killing the slavers.

Suddenly, I felt a hand clamp down hard onto my shoulder from behind me. For a moment, I had forgotten that the bounty hunter was even there.

"You're going nowhere, slave!"

Anger coursed through my veins, and I could feel a surge of power coming on. The lyrium tattoos all over my body lit brightly, a marvelous blue color that I'd always hated, and I reached around and killed the man, just by simply stabbing him, with my own arm.

"I am not a slave!" As I pulled back my arm, I felt my fury dissolve, and the tattoos ceased to glow. I turned back to the woman and her company. "I…apologize." I started. I began to pace in front of her. "When I asked for a distraction for the hunters, I never thought that they'd be so…numerous." Once again, her beauty was distracting. I turned away from her, feeling slightly awkward. I didn't know how she would respond, especially after witnessing the power of the lyrium that had infested me.

"Don't worry, we do this sort of thing often."

Her response was…unexpected.

"Impressive," I remarked, my back to her. I then turned around to face her. Maker, this was all just unexpected. But I had to keep calm. "My name is Fenris. These men were Imperial bounty hunters, seeking to recover a magister's lost property…namely, myself." It then occurred to me that this group was sent by Anso. To recover "stolen goods," I'm sure Anso told them. "I could not face them alone; thankfully, Anso chose wisely."

"Everything Anso said was a lie, then," she realized.

"Not everything. Your employer was simply not who you believed." I tried not to make the woman angry. I was grateful for her help, and figured I'd still need her. I definitely didn't want her mad at me.

"That seems like a lot of effort to find _one_ slave."

"It is."

"But you're no ordinary slave," she pointed out. "Does it have something to do with those markings?"

I chuckled. "Yes...I imagine I must look strange to you. I did not receive these markings by choice. Even so, they have served me well. Without them I would still be a slave," I told her.

"If these men really were going to take you back, I'm glad I helped," she spoke sincerely. This was...different.

"Never before in my travels have I met someone who sought anything other than personal gain," I marveled, and paused for a moment. "If I may ask, what was in the chest? The one in the house?"

"It was empty," she replied.

"I suppose it was too much to hope for. Even so, I had to know," I sighed.

"You were expecting something else?" She asked, inquisitive.

"I was, but I shouldn't have," I replied. "It was bait, nothing more."

"You didn't need to lie to get my help."

"That remains to be seen," I retorted, and started to search the man's corpse. I could feel her eyes watching me.

_Damn, _I thought, as I realized that Danarius was here. "It's as I thought," I spoke aloud. "My former master accompanied them to the city. I know you have questions, but I must confront him before he flees. I will need your help." I did feel a bit guilty for dragging her into this. She must have had no idea that she was going to be helping a slave.

That is, if she even agreed to help. I wondered why she hadn't already tried to kill me and take everything I have, or just walked off.

"You lured me into a trap, and now you want my help?" She was clearly at least a little upset with the deception.

"If Anso had told you to divert an ambush of Tevinter bounty hunters, would you have done it?" I spoke sharply back to her.

"Good point."

I sighed, desperate and frustrated. "If I had known you earlier, I would've asked you myself," I explained. And I would have; she seemed to be incredibly useful to me, if she would comply. "I am not lying to you now. Please help me do this," I pleaded with her.

There was a pause, and she chuckled. "Looks like it's going to be a long night," she smirked.

Again, more surprises. Her help was definitely unexpected, even more so than her stunning appearance was.

"I will find a way to repay you, I swear it. The magister is staying at a mansion in Hightown. Meet me there as soon as you can. We must enter before morning."

xxx

I stood by the door to the mansion, waiting. About an hour had passed, and I doubted she would even come. _Figures, _I thought. I don't see why a human would bother helping me. She probably didn't see any point in helping me after realizing the job was a deception. I kept my head lowered, my gaze fixed on the ground. Danarius was such a pain in the ass.

Suddenly I heard footsteps, and I looked up. Well there she was, in the company of the human male in the robe and the dwarf, both from before. She had actually wanted to help me after all. She approached me, and I was the one to break the silence.

"No one has left the mansion, but I've heard nothing from within. Danarius may know we're here; I wouldn't put it past him."

"We shouldn't wait any longer then," she replied, with a serious tone in her voice. She seemed to be a rogue who knew to do what was important, and to do it quickly.

"Agreed." And, with that, I walked with her into the mansion.

As we stepped inside, I called out, "Where are you, _master_?" Venom coated my words. I had waited so long to finally confront him.

We walked a few steps and suddenly we were attacked by demons...shades, from the Fade. We battled them quickly killing them off one by one. This woman was a skilled fighter, I noticed. I also noticed that the human male with her was a _mage_. I could not let that bother me here though, and so I suppressed my hate, letting my hate for Danarius take over instead. "He summoned spirits to do his dirty work for him," I remarked aloud. "Danarius! Can you hear me? Your _pets_ will not stop us!" I called out, my voice booming throughout the mansion.

We made our way through the mansion, room by room, battling demons as we went. I couldn't help but admire the way that the woman battled. The way she wielded her daggers, the way she would gracefully leap and tumble and flip, the way she would attack so quickly that the speed of her daggers created streaks of silver in the air…the way she fought made combat seem to be an art.

Eventually we reached Danarius's room, and I felt the hatred inside of me growing. _This was it_. But then when the woman tried to push the door open, it wouldn't budge. "Locked," she spoke. "Maybe I can lockpick it, though," she mumbled, and I felt hopeful. We waited a moment. "_Damn,_" I heard the woman hiss under her breath. She then turned to face me. "I can't."

The dwarf stepped up. "You forget that I can lockpick as well, sweetie," he spoke smoothly, and I watched as he approached the door where she was standing and gently moved her aside. We all waited again as the dwarf attempted, and after a little while I heard him mumble under his breath, and he gave up. "Nope, it's not possible," he shrugged.

"Perhaps there's a key to the room nearby," the woman suggested.

We explored the rest of the mansion, battling even more spirits, when finally one of the spirits we defeated dropped the key. We went back to the locked door, and my heart pounded with anticipation. A cold sweat dripped down my neck. After the woman finally unlocked the door, we pushed it open.

Nothing. No one.

Except for a strong demon that manifested behind us. The woman helping me disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and in less than a second, was behind the creature, and she stabbed it painfully in the back. I approached the creature myself, attacking head on with my sword. The dwarf and the mage stayed back, attacking from a distance. For a moment it felt like it was just she and I battling the demon together. She, with astounding grace and agility, and I, with my strength. It wasn't long before the creature was defeated, and more demons, fortunately weaker demons, attacked us. I wasn't paying great attention, however. I was fighting absentmindedly, nearly subconsciously, thinking of nothing but Danarius and how he wasn't here.

Eventually, we killed all the demons. It was quiet for a moment, and I turned to face the group accompanying me. "Gone," I spoke, as I kept my eyes on the ground. "I had hoped…" I looked up into the woman's eyes...dark like shadows swallowing me whole, and I was drowning in them, as well as in my own defeat. "No," I sighed. "It doesn't matter any longer. I assume Danarius left valuables behind. Take them if you wish. I…" Maker, I was pitiful. "…need some air."

With that, I stormed outside of the mansion, and slammed the door behind me.

I stood outside for a moment, leaning up against the wall of the mansion. I looked up at the starry sky overhead, thinking of my past. I'd find Danarius one day, I knew I would. I would have my revenge, Maker help me.

Not much time had passed before I heard the door open, and realized that the woman and her friends were leaving. I was still angry. I never meant to take it out on them, but I did.

"It never ends," I spoke aloud, not even looking at them, just looking straight ahead. I couldn't look at her face now. "I escaped a land of dark magic, only to have it hunting me at every turn. It is a plague burned into both my flesh and my soul." My past, leaving behind my family and suffering under a master, complying to his every will, hurt more than the markings did. I had been alone all my life, until now, but I would be alone again soon. I'd probably never see this woman again. What made this even worse was that she was accompanied by a _mage_. "And now I find myself in the company of even more mages." I approached the mage. "I saw you casting spells inside. I should've realized sooner what you really were." I turned to the beautiful woman. "He'll turn on you and strike when you least expect it. It is in his nature." If she were to ever be harmed by a mage…

"Anders has done nothing wrong, and he protected you inside. I think he has proven himself worthy," she spoke, bitterly. Had I angered her, in my attempt to keep her safe?

"I'm not blind. I know magic has its uses. But even the best-intentioned mage can fall prey to temptation. And then, their power is a curse to inflict upon others."

"Considering the curses inflicted upon us, I'd say it's an even trade," The mage, Anders, retorted.

"I imagine I appear ungrateful," I realized, still speaking to the woman, ignoring the mage's comment. "If so, I apologize, for nothing could be further than the truth. I did not find Danarius, but I still owe you a debt. Here is all the coin I have, as Anso promised." I handed her the coin and delayed for a moment, thinking of what to say. I didn't really want to _not_ see her again, and I still felt as if I owed her much more. "Should you…find yourself in need of assistance, I would gladly render it."

"Why is Danarius after you? Surely he wants something more than just a runaway slave." Her curiosity was unsated, I noticed.

"He wants these markings," I explained to her. "It's lyrium, burned into my flesh. Danarius wishes his precious investment returned, even if he must rip it from my corpse."

"That would be such a waste of a perfectly handsome elf," she smirked at me.

My face felt suddenly hot, and I was unsure of what to say. Did I hear her right? I chuckled quietly, and cleared my throat. "The truth is, I know nothing of the ritual that placed these markings on me," I explained. "It was Danarius's choice, one he now regrets."

"Do you think he will keep chasing you?"

"He is too prideful not to. Perhaps one day the hunt will cost him more than he is willing to pay, but I doubt that matters any longer."

"I've seen some of your abilities," she said, and glanced at the lyrium burned into me. "Do they come from those markings?"

"Some. All I know is that, even in the Imperium, warriors such as myself are rare. Perhaps they believe I should feel honored."

"Well, I'm planning an expedition, and I'd be grateful for help from such an honorable warrior," she smiled at me.

"Fair enough," I returned the smile. "Should you ever have need of me, I will be here. If Danarius wishes his mansion back, he is free to return and claim it," I murmured, mostly to myself. I was going to find him one day. "Beyond that, I am at your disposal."

"It is much appreciated," the lady smiled, and was about to walk off, but I remembered that I had yet to learn her name.

"Wait, before you go, what is your name?"

"You can call me Hawke. It was a pleasure helping you, Fenris."

And with that, she and her friends left, and I was alone, for now. I stepped inside of the mansion, and into what was Danarius' room. I sank down into a chair, and replayed the night's events in my head.

_Hawke_. It was a name that didn't mean much to me then at that moment, but it would be the name that I would, one day, hold most sacred.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys! Here's chapter two. Thanks for adding the story to your favorites and subscribing and such. I appreciate it. =D Also, major thanks to Advent of Shadows for some minor technical help and for reviewing. I'd also really appreciate it if you guys, after reading, leave some reviews. I'd love to hear your comments and any suggestions you have. :3 So, here's chapter two, thankfully with a lot less novelization and more of a look into Fenris. I hope you guys enjoy this longer chapter._

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**Chapter II**

_That was how I met the Champion._

_Hawke wasn't the Champion at the time, nor did she probably ever think she would be. At first, I hadn't fully realized her potential. But, the more I traveled with her and her other companions, helping her raise sovereigns for the expedition, the more I saw the greatness inside her. I hadn't realized the extent of her potential, however. I never thought that I'd be traveling with the future Champion of Kirkwall._

Days and nights passed, the daylight hours filled with fighting thugs or giant spiders and such, helping out the people in Kirkwall, getting closer and closer to fifty sovereigns, while the nighttime hours were filled with drinking at the Hanged Man, listening to Varric's epics, or Isabella's stories of when she once was a pirate, or Anders' stories of when he was a Grey Warden, which I particularly didn't care for.

Hawke told stories too every now and then, and these I was most interested in hearing. She'd tell us tales of when she worked for the smugglers, ratting out scammers and thieves, indebted poison buyers, battles against those who wouldn't comply. Trained in the art of assassination, she was tough, and she knew it. The smirk on her face as she would tell her stories spoke for her. The details in her stories almost sounded too unreal to be true, for they were greatly exaggerated and idealistic. But something about the spark in her eyes, that fire that burned with each drink and each laugh, told me that the stories had to be true.

Typically, as the others played cards and gossiped and drank merrily, I hung off away from the group. I'd lean against the wall and think or observe the others. Hawke, I noticed, was good friends with everyone in the group, particularly Varric. Together, they kept the whole bar entertained with their charm. She was pretty close with Merrill, too. She helped her not to drink too much. I imagined that the elf girl didn't hold down alcohol well.

Hawke's relationship with Isabela, however, confused me. They seemed like friends, but at the same time, it was almost as if they'd glare at each other every now and then. Isabela often whispered to Hawke, and I never knew what it was that they were whispering about, but after each whisper, Hawke's eyes would glance over at me. At first, I figured this was nothing. After several times witnessing this happen, however, I figured they were talking about me. Hawke's replies to her whispers varied. Sometimes she'd smirk and laugh. Other times, she'd shoot her an icy glare that even gave _me_ chills.

One night at the Hanged Man with the group, I witnessed this happen again, and this time, I noticed that Isabela was walking in my direction. I was sitting at a table, sipping the distasteful ale, and I had been observing the two women out of the corner of my eye, trying to understand what they were talking about. After Isabela had whispered something to Hawke, she looked at her and chuckled bitterly in reply, shaking her head as she walked off to join Varric, Aveline, and Merrill's game of cards. That was when Isabela started walking towards my table, and I kept my gaze on the drink in my hand. I didn't look as she lowered herself onto the chair across the small table from mine.

"Hey," I heard her speak to me, and I looked up at her. She was leaning on the table, propping herself up on her elbows in a way that made her breasts stick out even more. _Aggravating whore_, I thought to myself, but restrained myself from speaking the words aloud.

"What do you want?" I asked her instead, going against my strong desire to strangle her.

"I want to know why every night when we all drink together here, you're the only one of us who doesn't socialize a bit," she said. I watched as her eyes trailed up and down my body, and I wanted to just walk out of there.

"Not all of us like to _socialize _as much as you do," I retorted.

"Oh, come on, Fenris, lighten up a bit," she purred, and leaned closer to me. "There are plenty of girls here who think you're quite the handsome elf, and would kill for you to touch them," she whispered in my ear, and immediately I thought of Hawke and what she had said after helping me try to find Danarius, something about me being a handsome elf. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Don't be ridiculous," I snapped at her.

"I'm just telling you the truth," she murmured, and stroked the side of my neck with her thumb. It found my lyrium markings there, and her touch burned my skin. I gritted my teeth to avoid showing any sign of pain, and as gently as I could force myself to be, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand off of me. I stood up from the table and left her there. She was still leaning on the table and watching me as I left the Hanged Man, and I could feel every eye in there on me. They may have not been looking at me, or even cared, but it still felt as if everyone in there watched me storm out.

As I slammed the door to the bar behind me, I pondered where I'd go now. I didn't want to go back to the mansion just yet. The last thing I wanted to think about was Danarius, and his mansion reminded me of him. I certainly didn't want to go back inside the bar though, and face the group.

I decided to go to the docks. Maybe the ocean air would help calm my nerves. I made my way from Lowtown to the docks, battling a few thugs here and there who tried to attack me, all of them unsuccessful in their attempts. Soon I reached the docks, and walked down the long set of steps before me. I walked to where the ships would dock, walking out over the water on the narrow strips of ground. I reached the edge and sat down and took off my heavy plate boots. I set them down beside me, and let my legs dangle off the edge of ground, my feet surfaced beneath the water. It was cold, and I shivered, but it was distracting enough from the pain. The stinging sensation from Isabela's touch earlier wore off slowly, and I focused on the ocean breeze in the air; the faint smell of sea salt mixed with the gentle gusts of wind was oddly relaxing.

I leaned back on my palms and closed my eyes, feeling the cold water covering my feet and enjoying the breeze. I wasn't sure how much time had passed until a voice interrupted me.

"Aren't you cold?" I heard Hawke ask, and my eyes snapped open. I turned around to look at her. I wondered how long she had been standing there, since I hadn't even heard her approaching. I noticed that she had her arms wrapped around herself, and she was shivering.

"Of course it's cold," I said. "I just don't mind it."

"Well, I don't see how," she remarked with another shiver.

"Look at you, you're freezing," I remarked. "Why did you leave the Hanged Man? You wouldn't be shivering if you hadn't."

"Why did you leave?" she retorted.

"Oh, I don't know," I sneered. "Ask Isabela."

Hawke chuckled at my response. "She's a bit straightforward, isn't she?"

"To put it mildly," I agreed.

She walked closer to where I was sitting, and stood by me. "Bethany doesn't really like her," she laughed. "She doesn't trust her, and I think that she's a bit too innocent to not be disgusted by her."

"Oh, no, she's not the only one disgusted by her," I chuckled, and Hawke laughed again.

I loved the sound of her laughter, I realized. As charming and outgoing she was when she told stories, when people she didn't care for challenged her, she was cold, quiet, and merciless. She was quite bitter. Other than when we were at the Hanged Man, the sound of her laughter was rare and beautiful, just as she was…

No, I could not have thoughts like this. Love and affection were dangerous, and it was even more dangerous to love a silver-tongued rogue. She could use those feelings as weapons to destroy me.

"I imagine that Carver would be slightly put off by her, but probably find her too attractive to care," she spoke suddenly, and I looked up at her. A sadness invaded her dark eyes as she looked off into the distance, and I realized that I never had seen her sad before.

"Carver?" I asked, unsure of who she was talking about.

"Oh," she spoke, and paused. "Carver is my other sibling, my brother. He is Bethany's twin. He's…dead." She paused again, and swallowed. Her confident voice – the one I was accustomed to hearing – began to tremble, fading into a soft, broken voice that was unfamiliar. "We lost him to the Blight. It's my fault, though. I should've stopped him from running ahead of us. I could have. He'd still be here, if it wasn't for me." Her voice was barely audible and strained.

"Oh…" I said, at a loss for words. I was too shocked by this side of her that I had never known. Nobody knew. Nobody saw this side of her. "I am sorry."

"Don't apologize," she spoke suddenly, her voice louder this time. I watched as she quickly wiped away at her eyes. "This…this isn't like me. I'm not supposed to cry and wallow around in my own pity like this. I'm better than that." I looked at her eyes. They were wild and dark as usual, but tonight they also looked lost, like she was searching for an answer that was impossible to find. "I'm going to make something out of myself. I'm going to go on this expedition and find enough money to buy back the estate and bring the Hawke name to nobility, where it should be. I'm going to make Mother proud, so that I don't have any more failures for her to blame on me. I'm going to keep Bethany safe. I'm going to keep Anders and Merrill safe, too." She paused and looked at me. "I'm going to keep you safe."

"Hawke…" I started. "You're worrying too much about what others think. You're stressing over the wellbeing and wishes of others so much that you're neglecting yourself. I appreciate your protection, but you shouldn't worry so much about me. I've taken care of myself for a long time. I'm sure your friends have, as well. And I know that your family loves you, no matter what. I'm sure they'd want nothing more than for you to take care of yourself as well as them."

Hawke scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You don't know my mother," she said. "It's been a year and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Carver, that idiot, he ran towards the ogre, lifting his sword in the air." She had raised her voice at this point, speaking so loudly that she was almost yelling. She wasn't even looking at me, just looking straight ahead out at the ocean. "He always was an arrogant fool! It shouldn't be my fault. He ran towards the damn beast and it lifted him right off of the ground, then it slammed him back down, and again, his damned blood splattering everywhere!" Her eyes were glistening with moisture, and her voice was wavering. For once, I wanted to hold someone. I wanted to hold her, and calm her. But I couldn't. I couldn't comfort her because I just did not like to have any close contact with people. It was better this way because I was protecting myself.

I just let her continue. "The damn monster threw his lifeless body across the clearing. We fought it, Bethany and Aveline and I, and it was a tough battle. I didn't have much fighting experience then, but I sure as hell learned. I was covered in blood and cuts and scrapes and bruises. We managed to kill the ogre, though, we did. But then we approached Carver's body, and Mother was leaning over him, weeping. I tried to console her, but all she did was yell at me about how it was all _my_ fault, as if he wouldn't have run ahead of us if I had done something. He's a damn fool, though; I swear to the Maker, it wouldn't have made a difference if I _had_ said something! He wouldn't have listened to me," her voice broke, and a tear escaped her fluttering eyelids. "He was always jealous of me, always wanted to do better than me…"

"It's okay to grieve," I spoke to her softly. As I spoke, she finally looked at me again, wiping away at her eyes. "It's unhealthy to bottle up your pain. At least you _have_ a mother."

"Oh, Maker, that's right…you…you were a…oh, Maker, I shouldn't even be complaining, I…"

"Get a hold of yourself," I told her sharply. "I can't remember my mother, anyway. My memory was wiped away when I received these markings. I'm just saying, it's healthy to grieve, but you should also be thankful for what you do have."

"You…you're right," she breathed. She took a few deep breaths, and looked out towards the ocean. After a moment, she sat down beside me on the edge of the dock, hugging her knees close to her chest.

So this was why she wouldn't tell the ogre story to anyone. I recalled one night when we were at the Hanged Man as usual, and we were sitting down at the table with Varric, drinking ale and telling stories. Varric had just finished up a tale of his own, and now it was Hawke's turn.

"_So, I've been dying to know," Varric smirked at Hawke. "What was going through your head when you fought that ogre?"_

_Hawke had fought an ogre? This story I had not heard before, but it didn't surprise me. I had been observing Hawke closely, just as I did every time I got the chance to see her. She intrigued me, and I couldn't help but study her carefully._

_After Varric asked her, I could've sworn I saw a look of guilt or sorrow creep over her eyes, but in a split second it was gone, replaced by her usual mask of pride. She suddenly grabbed her mug of ale and chugged it all down quickly, then slammed the empty mug back down onto the table. She looked up at Varric with a sparkle in her eyes and chuckled, but it almost seemed like a bitter laughter. "For a second there," she smirked. "What _do _they feed those things?"_

_Varric roared with laughter, Aveline's eyes were surprised but she just sighed, Isabela chuckled, Merrill laughed, and Anders just smiled. I turned my attention back to Varric. "I don't know anyone else who's even _seen_ one. You're lucky just to be standing here!"_

_I looked back at Hawke to see her eyes looked…empty. It was as if the alcohol in her system numbed the sorrow that I noticed she hid. "Hah," she chuckled, and I was the only one to notice the bitterness laced over her laughter. "Lucky indeed."_

"_Come on, aren't you going to give us any details of the fight? Did you punch it in the jaw and knock all its sharp teeth out? Rip out its horns and shove them up its ass?"_

_Varric had a…graphic way of putting things. I glanced over at the rest of the table to find Merrill giggling, her cheeks blushing slightly. She was still very innocent, I noticed. Isabela was laughing and Aveline sighed. Anders just laughed and shook his head._

_Hawke seemed unusually hesitant to talk about this. "I'll leave that up to the imagination," she smirked. "Be sure to make it sound good."_

_Varric laughed. "Fine, fine. I'm telling everyone that you knocked its teeth out and shoved its horns up its ass, whether it's true or not. They'll all believe it."_

_The rest of that night, Hawke seemed quieter than usual, and she left earlier. I was curious to know what was wrong, but I didn't pry. She'd tell me if she felt the need to._

"This is…why you don't tell the ogre story, I assume?" I asked her, and she looked back at me nodded.

"I could just lie and skip over the part about my brother's death," she explained. "But I've never lied when I tell my stories. Of course, they are exaggerated, and Varric doesn't help that at all," she laughed. "But they're all true. Well, Varric will occasionally tell people insane bullshit but they typically believe him."

"They have no reason not to," I admitted, the words slipping out before I realized what I was saying. I wanted to take back those words; I didn't need this closeness with Hawke. As much as I sometimes felt that I wanted it, I just couldn't. Love was dangerous. _She_ was dangerous.

Hawke laughed, and as if she was reading my thoughts, she spoke aloud, "They all say I'm dangerous, don't they? I'm the beautiful, deadly, silver-tongued assassin. The gorgeous, ruthless smuggler. Some call me a hero, others see me as nothing more than a threat," she laughed. "One year of indentured servitude and I'm an idol," she mumbled, shaking her head.

"You are…very worthy of those titles," I told her, and suddenly I felt peculiarly uncomfortable. I was flattering her, and I could not stop myself.

"What do you mean?" She smirked at me. She knew what she was doing. She was fishing around for compliments, saying the words that would lead me to praise her. And I couldn't resist.

"You are strong and graceful; not only that, but it is true that you are also…charming," I searched for the right words. I wanted to avert my gaze, but I kept my focus on her, looking straight at her eyes. "You are a…beautiful woman, Hawke."

Hawke's eyes sparkled and she smiled what I believed to be a genuine smile. "Woah, hang on," she laughed. "I didn't quite catch that last part. What was that?"

I laughed as well, and it felt good. I couldn't ever recall a feeling this pleasant before. "I'm not repeating the obvious."

She laughed again, and I cherished the sound. From what I could tell in the pale darkness of night, a blush seemed to crawl onto her cheeks. She stood, and I was surprised to feel sad that she was leaving. As much as I hated being close to people, at that moment I wanted nothing more than to spend more time with her. "I have to go home, though. Mother's probably worried sick. You should go home, too. It's getting even colder."

I nodded. "Yeah," I murmured, and pulled my feet out of the water and put my boots back on. I stood, looking at her again. "Take care."

"Thank you," she smiled at me, and turned to go. "You too."

I watched her as she left. I couldn't help myself. Her soft, gentle waves of hair just barely kissed her shoulders. The moonlight illuminated her rogue armor as she walked, her hips swaying as she moved. I wondered what her body looked like underneath, and what it would feel like to brush her hair with my fingers, to rub her body gently, exploring her curves…

_Maker, stop yourself!_ I sharply pushed those thoughts out of my mind as I trudged back to Hightown. Never before could anyone lower my defenses and make me weak, until now. She was my comrade, my partner in battle, but I would not call her a friend. I wouldn't call anyone in the group a friend. I was only hurting myself by allowing myself to be close to them, especially Hawke. She could lure me into her trap with her words, using love as a mask to hide her true intentions.

I would not fall for such an act. She could flatter me all she wanted to, but no longer was I going to fall for it. What was it that she had called herself?

"_I'm the beautiful, deadly, silver-tongued assassin."_

She had mocked the title, but I'm sure, deep down, she knew that it was true. She was a liar and an assassin, and I would not let myself love her.

Any love for her would kill me.

xxx

After several easy battles against thugs and a long walk, I found myself back at the mansion. The door was old and difficult to open, but after I wrestled with it a bit, it opened. I stepped inside, eyeing the scattered dust, the worn-out furniture, the heaps of paper and other small items spread about the floor. The wallpaper was fading and tearing at corners, and in some rooms, there were even holes in the ceiling. But it didn't matter, it wasn't a home. It was simply just where I was staying for now. I entered the bedroom and lowered myself onto the bench in front of the fireplace. The heat was just as comforting as the cold earlier was. I stretched, and noticed that my body was sore from the day's work. We had taken on dragons in a mine that had been ambushed by them, and I finally noticed the bruises, cuts, and burn marks from the fights. I glanced over at the nearby desk and noticed I had an injury kit left over, so I trudged over to it and treated my wounds as best as I could. It was enough to ease most of the pain.

I took off my armor slowly and carefully, trying to touch my markings as little as I could. I started with my breastplate, which took a few minutes of struggling. Next came off my gauntlets and my boots, and then my greaves, leaving me bare except for my smallclothes. I had tossed all my armor into the corner, and I lowered myself onto a large soft chair in the room. There was a bed, but I never used it. Dust still covered it nearly entirely.

I closed my eyes as I sank into the chair, and positioned myself as comfortable as possible. My weariness soon lulled me to sleep, and as I slept, I dreamt.

I found myself in the Fade, standing amidst a clearing. I heard an ogre roar, and I suddenly turned my head to see it charging at me. I lept out of the way quickly, and as I tumbled to the ground, I turned my head again just in time to see it slow down. I rose to my feet and was about to draw my sword, when suddenly I realized that it couldn't see me. I was nothing but a vision, watching the ogre. I also realized that it hadn't charged at me. It had charged at the person behind me, who had lept out of the way as well, and was now behind the ogre, attacking it with daggers.

Hawke.

I stared in awe as I watched her battle the ogre, taking it out single-handedly. Her daggers moved at the speed of light, and she flipped and rolled gracefully, avoiding its attacks with ease. I thought that the battle was nearly over and she was victorious, but then suddenly it caught her off-guard somehow, and struck a heavy blow to her side. She cried out in agony and she fell, hitting the ground hard.

_Hawke!_ I wanted to cry out, and I thought I did, but I couldn't yell at her, no matter how badly I wanted to. I struggled to make my silent words heard, but the Fade wasn't allowing me to intervene in my nightmare. I could only watch in sheer horror as the ogre lifted her body up off the ground, choking her in a merciless grip, and slammed her back onto the ground, shattering her bones upon impact. Blood was everywhere. So much blood. My vision was even red, crimson like the color of blood. She was lifted into the air and slammed back down again, and all I could hear was her scream and an unnatural crunching sound. Red was everywhere, all I could see. The ogre lifted her again, and flung her to the side, her lifeless body plummeting to the ground a final time.

I felt my heart, which had been beating faster and harder, suddenly stop. I felt no pulse. My stomach was in knots, and I wanted to puke, and I was cold. My feet started tingling, and then suddenly I couldn't feel them, and the numbness slowly spread throughout my entire body. I fell limply to my knees, and doubled over onto the ground. Finally, I heard another sound, a scream that was oddly familiar.

I sat up too fast, opening my eyes, gasping for air. I had been lying on the floor in front of the chair. I was alive. And so was Hawke. No ogre had killed her. It was only a nightmare. Had I screamed? I wasn't sure. But at least no one would hear me, since I was alone in the mansion. I slowly rose to my feet, enjoying feeling my limbs again. I looked at the window to find that it was still late, for it was dark and the moon was still high. "Maker…" I mumbled as I sank back down into the chair.

I wasn't able to fall back asleep, but I left my eyes closed and drifted, somewhere between awake and not awake. My thoughts were eating away at me now.

I was positive now. Any feelings for her would kill me.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello everyone. I apologize for the delay in updating...school this week was a nightmare. X_X Also, I'm trying to not use the exact dialogue from the game, but keep it about the same but different...if that makes sense. Also, this chapter is somewhat short, but you guys will have a lot more action in the next chapter, I promise. I just had to get something uploaded. Well, here you go, enjoy. Also, please R&R if you have the time, I'd love to know your opinions and any advice you have to improve the story!_

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**Chapter III**

_That had been only one of countless nights without sleep. I was always haunted by my dreams, seeing visions of Hawke or Danarius every night. They were nothing alike as far as I could tell, but I was starting to feel bound to both of them. I had been Danarius's slave, and as I tried to escape him, I found myself obeying every order of another master._

_Of course, Hawke was nothing like Danarius…but I was starting to feel that she was developing a power over me, as if she was my master now. I thought I'd never be free if I let her pull me in as she did, but I was always helpless to resist her._

_It was comforting knowing back then that she and I at least shared a lot of similar views._

Even though my eyes were closed, I could tell that sunlight slowly began to trickle through the windows. I groaned as I realized that it was morning. After my nightmare, I had hoped that I would fall back asleep, but I never did. I had closed my eyes, and I was comfy in my chair, but I couldn't stop thinking about the dream. I knew that this was foolish though, since dreams are nothing but dreams, visions in the Fade. Even so, I could not stray my thoughts away from that cursed woman, Hawke Hawke. I never realized how fearful I could feel for someone's life until I thought I saw hers diminish right before my eyes.

Why I was so worried about her, though, I didn't understand. I didn't want to. I didn't completely trust her, nor did I want to have any feelings for anyone.

Especially her.

I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the light, and rubbed my eyes sleepily. I rose to my feet and stretched my arms and my back before retrieving my armor from the corner. After I was fully armored, I decided to go see if Hawke was awake, since it was early in the morning. I traveled to Lowtown and to her uncle's tiny house and knocked on the door. I had hoped that Hawke would answer the door instead of her uncle, but unfortunately as the door opened, I first saw a tall, slightly stout man with a tired expression on his face and slicked-back grey hair.

"What do you want, _elf_?" He asked in an impatient voice.

"Is Hawke awake?" I asked him, keeping my composure.

"Why do you need to know th-"

"Gamlen!" He was interrupted by a woman's voice coming from inside the house. Leandra, I recognized. Hawke's mother. I saw a glimpse of her from behind Gamlen. Her face was turned towards me. "This is that elf boy that our girl speaks so fondly of!" She scolded the man, and as I heard her, I felt a heat tinge my cheeks. Hawke spoke of me? Fondly?

I quickly recovered in time before Leandra gently pushed Gamlen aside and faced me. "I'm sorry about my brother's behavior," she sighed. "Do come in."

"Uh…no, that's fine," I mumbled. "I just wanted to see if she was awake yet."

"That girl is such a heavy sleeper," the older woman laughed. "In Lothering when there was Chantry service, Bethany would always be the first one up, and she would try to wake up her sister, who would just sleep all day." She was smiling as she told the story, and I couldn't help but return it, even if it wasn't much of a smile. "Oh, forgive me, I'm rambling on. I'll go wake her." With that, she went back inside the house, and I waited outside the door, feeling a bit awkward. A few moments passed, and then I saw Hawke wave goodbye to her mother and walk out the door. She smiled at me when she saw me, and I hated that happy feeling that I felt in my gut.

"Good morning," she yawned.

I nodded. "You too."

"So," she started. "I heard that the son of a woman in the alienage has gone missing."

"And?" I inquired. There had to be more to it than this.

"I think I also heard that he's a mage," she whispered. "Something about him refusing to go with the templars."

I sighed. This was typical. The boy would refuse to be controlled by the Circle and the templars. Eventually, demons would haunt the boy, and he wouldn't be able to resist the temptation, thus resulting in another maleficarum. He would be another blood mage. Or he'd become an abomination, and neither result was desirable. The best course of action to take would be, of course, to send him to the Circle. "We need to find this boy and make him go to the Circle," I spoke to Hawke. I knew how Anders felt about the "oppression of mages" but I hoped that Hawke would be much more open-minded.

I watched her as she studied me for a moment, and then she looked off into the distance. "I would never send Bethany to the Circle by choice," she spoke quietly. "But you may be right. There is the risk of him getting involved with demons. He'd be safer in the Circle."

I was surprised by her agreement. "I'm glad that you see my reasoning," I told her. "We should head quickly to the alienage, then."

With that, we left her house, and we stopped by the Hanged Man for Varric to join us, and I was surprised and slightly irritated to see Anders walk out with him instead of Isabela, who stayed at the bar. Anders usually stayed at his clinic in Darktown.

Hawke must have been surprised as well. "Anders, what are you doing at the Hanged Man so early?"

"I was awake at an early hour, so I decided to come chat with Varric here for a bit. We figured you'd stop by soon, dragging us out on your little adventures with you." I looked back at Hawke and noticed that she looked almost uncomfortable taking Anders with us today to find the mage. There was nothing we could do about it now, though, so we would just have to see what would happen. I was interested in the abomination's reaction after finding out that Hawke trusted my opinion better than his. The thought of that made me more confident than it probably should have.

"Oh, alright then, it's the four of us today," she smiled weakly. She cleared her throat, and continued, looking at Varric. "Varric, you know how you told me about the missing child from the alienage?"

"The mage kid?" As Varric asked, I saw Anders look at both of them, confused but intrigued.

"What are you talking about, Hawke?" He asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

Hawke turned to him. "Varric told me that a child in the alienage went missing, and supposedly he's a mage who ran away to escape the templars."

"And rightfully so," Anders quickly added. "A boy like him shouldn't have to be locked away for the rest of his life." I couldn't help but sneer at his comment. It was people like him that were a threat to us all.

"Of course you would think that," Hawke sharply rebuked.

"And why wouldn't I? I know what the Circle is like. I know that it is wrong. And why wouldn't you think that? Your sister is a mage, and you risk your life protecting her from the templars." I couldn't help but find this argument entertaining as I listened.

"This boy could fall prey to demons! He'll be safer at the Circle."

Varric stepped between them. "Come on you two, save the fighting for the bad guys."

xxx

The four of us were silent as we walked to the alienage, which wasn't too far. As we approached, I saw a blonde elf woman speaking to a templar. I looked at Hawke, who had stopped walking. She turned around to face us. "I think that's her. Let me try to hear what they're saying."

"I am sorry for your loss, mistress," the templar spoke to the elf. "But I can offer your son mercy only if he turns himself in."

"I'm trying to find him, but…"

"The templars cannot tolerate apostates." The templar then left, leaving the poor elf woman weeping. I felt sorry for her. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child. Hawke motioned for us to walk forward, and I followed her as she approached the elf woman.

"It sounds like your son is in trouble," she said. "Is there anything I can do?"

The elf turned suddenly to face Hawke. "You heard all that, and you still would help? An apostate? Oh, thank you. My name is Arianni. When I learned my son Feynriel had magic, I didn't want to send him to the Circle, but his connection to the Fade caused him to have nightmares, dreams of demons haunting him in his sleep. I'm afraid without proper training he's going to kill himself." Dreams of demons? It was definitely necessary now to send the boy to the Circle, and I knew that Hawke was probably silently agreeing with me. He was definitely at risk. "I'd rather lose my boy to the Circle than to himself."

"Just tell me what you need me to do," Hawke spoke softly.

Arianni told us that we could talk to Templar Thrask to see what ground he's already covered, and we could talk to Feynriel's father, who was a merchant in the bazaar here in Lowtown. Hawke reassured Arianni that we'd find him, and we left the alienage. Hawke decided we'd go ahead and talk to his father first, since we were here in Lowtown. We walked to the bazaar, and then we found him.

The man was definitely hiding his secret at first. Hiding his son to protect him, we knew. But Anders displayed that he was a mage and reassured him that we weren't going to hurt his son. He told us that he sent Feynriel to a former templar. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that was his first mistake.

"Why would a _templar_ help him?" Hawke asked curiously. I had asked the question myself in my head, but not out loud.

"His conscious plagued him too long," the merchant explained. "He now helps mages on the run." He also told us that we could find him here in Lowtown at night, by the entrance to the Undercity. We thanked him, and left.

"So, I guess we'll just meet up again tonight and go find him?" Hawke spoke to the four of us.

"Sounds good to me. You know where to find me," Varric laughed as he headed straight for the Hanged Man.

"Alright. I'll be at my clinic." And with that, Anders left as well, and now it was just me and Hawke. She was quiet for a moment, and I watched her look after Anders as he walked off. I started to turn to leave for my mansion in Hightown, when suddenly I felt her hand on my shoulder. Her hand didn't touch my markings, since it rested on my armor, but I still flinched as I felt her touch, startled by the tingling sensation I felt. I didn't like to be touched, but I couldn't bring myself to jerk her hand away from me. In fact, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

"Hey, don't go," she spoke quietly, looking at me. I stood frozen, looking back at her, and I was at a loss for words.

"Do you have need of me?" I asked her, unsure of her intentions.

"Well…no, not really," she admitted. I wondered what was going through her mind as she bit her lip. "I just don't really want to go home right now. Can I go with you?" She asked. I was happily surprised, but I tried not to show it.

"I don't see a problem with that," I nodded and we walked together in silence towards my mansion in Hightown. As always, I struggled with the door, and I felt her eyes on me as I fought with it. Finally I opened it, and I walked inside, Hawke following behind me. I wondered what she thought about the clutter on the floor, the holes in the ceiling, the dust that covered everything, and the ruined wallpaper. I wondered what she thought about me staying here.

"Fenris…this place is still as much of a dump as it was," she stated bluntly.

I grunted in reply. "I know. I do not see any point in fixing it up."

"Why not?"

I sighed, and turned to face her as we stood in the large foyer of the mansion. "This is not even my own mansion, first of all. Second, I doubt that I'll be staying here long."

I couldn't read her expression as I replied. I couldn't tell if she was sad or disappointed or didn't care. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "Why?"

"If Danarius doesn't show up, I'm going after him," I explained.

"Really? You won't just let sleeping dogs lie?"

"No," I told her sternly. "That is foolish. I cannot live my life hiding from him forever."

She sighed. "I suppose you're right." The silence between us then wasn't comfortable, like it normally was, but it was slightly awkward. I continued on up the stairs to the bedroom, and I heard her follow behind me. We entered the room and as she sat on the bench by the fireplace, I started a fire, then walked over to the desk and poured us two glasses of wine. I then walked back over and stood by her, handing her one of the glasses before sitting down beside her.

"Thank you," she mumbled. I nodded in reply. It felt much less awkward as we sat together and drank our wine. We were both quiet for a moment, until she looked at me and said, "You've been on the run a long time, haven't you?"

I sipped my wine slowly before looking at her and nodding. I lowered my glass. "Three years now…it never takes him long to follow, but now I've given him reason to pause," I explained. "I suppose there are advantages in numbers."

In response, she looked at me almost incredulously, like she couldn't believe what I was saying. "So…you've never sought help before?"

I shook my head. "Hirelings, when I was able to steal the coin, but never anyone of substance – until you." I looked at her deep, dark eyes and saw something sparkle, but I didn't know what. I also thought I saw a slight blush crawl over her cheeks, but it was probably just the heat from the fireplace. She looked over at the dancing flames and was quiet for a moment. As I kept my eyes on her and listened to the crackling of the burning wood, I wondered what she was thinking about. Suddenly, her eyes were on mine again.

"You could start a new life here," she said quietly.

"I could see myself staying…for the right reasons," I admitted. For a split second, one of those reasons was her, but I quickly diminished the thought. The Blight was over now, anyway. She could go back home. "The Blight is over. Don't you ever want to go back to Lothering?"

"Lothering's gone," she said quietly. "It's not the same now. I have made a new life for myself here."

"But you could rebuild what you lost. Just to have the option…it's gratifying. Don't you at least think about it?"

"Sometimes," she admitted. "But it would be…" She trailed off for a moment, and then sighed. "Without my brother there," she continued. "It just wouldn't be the same."

"And so just because of his death, your home doesn't matter to you anymore?" I snapped at her, and then I immediately regretted saying those words. A look of hurt washed over her face, and I felt the guilt in my stomach. "I…I am sorry. That was…uncalled for. It's your life, it just…it sounds similar."

"I've left my past behind me," She nodded. "Why can't you do the same?"

I sighed, exasperated. I threw my hands up in the air. "Because it haunts me! Everywhere I go, I'm being followed by Danarius and those slavers from Tevinter. I'm trying to leave my past behind me, but it won't stay there!" I couldn't help myself as I started to yell. I stood quickly and walked over to the desk. The wine bottle sat there, and I picked it up. I drank the wine straight from the bottle, allowing the alcohol to enter my system and calm my nerves. I could feel Hawke's eyes on me, watching me. As the sweet, strong liquid poured down my throat, I thought of Danarius and my life of servitude to him. I lowered the bottle from my lips, and then threw the bottle as hard as I could towards the wall. The glass shattered upon impact, the red liquid splashing against the wall and the shards of glass falling to the floor.

I always did this when I was mad; it was a simple pleasure, drinking wine and breaking things. "It's good to know I can still find pleasure in the small things."

She laughed. "You could've poured me a glass first, you know."

I looked at her and smiled. "There's more, don't worry."

"Oh, no, perish the thought!" She exclaimed sarcastically. "How else would you redecorate the walls?"

I laughed at her response. She was usually cold and quiet, I noticed, but she had a delightfully dry sense of humor that never failed to make me smile.

I was surprised to see her stand, and then walk over to me. She looked over at the wall that was now stained by wine and at the pieces of glass on the floor. She then turned her head, and I followed her gaze to the other bottle of wine sitting on the desk. She walked towards it slowly and studied it, then looked back at the wall. I could tell what she was thinking.

"You can."

She suddenly jerked her head back towards my direction and smiled at me. She grabbed the bottle and chugged most of it down, and then looked at it for a long time in her hands before she threw it at the wall with all her might. The piercing sound of glass breaking filled the room as the bottle burst, bits of glass falling to the ground and the wine splattering all over the wall. I looked over at her to see her grinning. She looked up at me suddenly, her eyes wild and excited. "That was fun," she breathed. "Probably more fun than it should be."

I chuckled at her response. "I agree." I looked out the window to see that it was only a bit late in the afternoon. There was still quite some time left before we would need to find the ex-templar in Lowtown. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Hawke had followed my gaze, and was probably realizing the same. She spoke again. "I'm going to go speak with Varric, probably have a few drinks and discuss plans for tonight. I'll see you then," she said. I nodded, and she turned to leave. I was about to turn around, but her voice stopped me. "Oh, and, Fenris?"

I looked at her. "Yes?"

"Thank you. I had a lot of fun. I might start coming over more." She smiled at me, and then walked out.

I would be counting the hours until it was time to meet up.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry about the long wait you guys! I've been busy and out of ideas, so work on this chapter took a few months. I'm really sorry, I'll try to be quicker now since I'm on summer break! Hope you enjoy the chapter! Please R&R, I'd greatly appreciate it! Also, you may have noticed that I changed Hawke's name to, well, just Hawke. This change has occurred in not only this chapter, but the previous chapters as well._

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_Hawke, Anders, Varric, and I traveled to Lowtown that night. Sampson, the ex-templar, had given the mage boy away to a captain who had been collecting runaway mages. I had a bad feeling about this. We discovered that the man had sold the mage into slavery. We found the slaver and killed him, but not before learning from him that the slavers were hiding with the boy in caverns at the Wounded Coast._

"Take one more step, and the boy dies!" The slaver called out.

I stood by Hawke, watching her as she didn't even flinch. She remained perfectly calm as she sneakily pulled out a dagger behind her back.

"I don't even need to take another step."

She smirked, and did a graceful twist in the air as she threw the dagger at him, and it hit him perfectly in his throat. He screamed in agony, and his blood splattered everywhere as he hit the ground, lifeless.

"She's fast as lightning and just as deadly," Varric mumbled under his breath. "A goddess among mortals," he chuckled. He had no idea how true those words were.

Hawke laughed. "Come on. Let's show the rest of these slavers that."

The rest of the slavers there attacked us, and I helped Hawke fight them. It felt amazing to be able to kill slavers. I tapped into the lyrium in my bloodstream as much as possible, killing them as brutally as I could. As blood was shed everywhere, I would not show any mercy. Before I knew it, we successfully killed them all while we only suffered minimal damage. I was covered in blood, but I only had a few bruises, and the others didn't look badly hurt either.

The boy, Feynriel, ran over to us, trying not to trip over the corpses of slavers at his feet. "You…you killed him, you killed them all!" he breathed.

"Yes, I did," Hawke spoke coolly to him. "If I hadn't, you'd most likely be a slave for the rest of your life."

"I…yeah. That's probably true. I guess I should thank you, but…who are you? Are you working for the templars?"

"No, your mother sent me."

"Hmph, hardly a difference," he mumbled. "I can't believe her! At first, it was, 'I love you! I'll protect you!' and now she's trying to send me off to the Circle! The Circle here in Kirkwall doesn't help the mages at all! But the Dalish…they've had magic forever! I'm just as much Dalish as I am human. They'll help me."

I watched as Hawke studied the boy. Was she really considering letting him go like that? I looked over at Anders, who was smiling.

"He'll be safe there, they'll help him control his magic, and no one gets locked up. It sounds good to me."

I then looked back at Hawke, who hadn't said anything yet. Surely she knew that this was ridiculous and that he had to go to the Circle. "I…don't know…" she said.

"Hawke," I said sternly. "This boy is having dreams of demons. He will surely fall as prey to them."

"Maybe the Dalish can help them. Marethari…the keeper…surely she knows a way."

I sighed, and shook my head. "It's your decision." Hawke looked back at the boy, who was looking at us with pleading eyes.

"Please don't make me go to the Circle," he cried.

"What about Bethany?" Anders suddenly spoke to Juliet. "Hawke, would you send Bethany to the Circle if she were in this boy's shoes?"

Juliet turned to look at him, and then lowered her gaze to the ground, shaking her head. "No…I couldn't." She then looked back up at the boy. "Well, at least you won't harm us if you're with the Dalish."

"Really? You…you're letting me go? Oh, thank you so much! I will never forget you!" the boy called out, and then he ran out of the caverns ahead of us.

Hawke's decision aggravated me. I thought that maybe she saw the truth in my words, but apparently she hadn't. I looked at her. Her gaze was fixed on the ground, and I was sure she was wondering if it had been the right thing to do. I knew that it wasn't. That boy was going to eventually be involved with demons, and I was sure that Hawke knew this as well.

"So, who's going to break the news to mother dearest? I'm sure she's dying to hear what happened," Anders chimed in. Hawke laughed nervously.

"Come on, guys," she said. "No point in delaying the news."

We then left the caverns, walking out back into the cloudy sky and humid air of the Wounded Coast. As we trudged on back to Kirkwall, I could feel a drop of sweat drip down my neck. The sky was dark, the moon suspended above and covered by clouds, but it was still fairly hot, and the air was intensely humid. During the walk, the four of us were quiet, and I couldn't help but wonder why Hawke was being so…forgiving. With most people she met, she had a heart of cold stone, and a quick, calculating mind. She would take the most efficient course of action, and try not to bring feelings or bias into her decisions. Lately, however, I noticed that she was starting to be more sympathetic.

Eventually, we made it back to Kirkwall, and we went quickly to the alienage. We found Arianni and told her the news, but she didn't seem as upset as we thought she would be. She was happy that her son was at least safe. She didn't have much coin to spare, but she handed Juliet a ring as a reward. After the elf thanked us again and walked off, I watched Hawke look at the ring thoughtfully and place it on her finger. She then turned to face us.

"Well," she said. "We didn't get any coin from her, but it wasn't a complete loss. The slavers dropped some pretty decent loot. I'm getting close to fifty sovereigns. Rest up tonight, and we'll see what trouble we can get ourselves into tomorrow."

"Sounds like fun. See you tomorrow, Hawke." Varric said, and I watched him walk off in the direction of the Hanged Man. Anders nodded and left, probably heading back to his clinic. Hawke turned to leave, but I stopped her.

"Wait. I need to talk to you."

She sighed and looked at me. "Alright," she nodded. "But, first, let's head to the mansion. I don't feel like getting jumped by thugs."

I nodded in agreement, and didn't say anything else as we started walking towards the mansion. I was extremely disappointed in her for letting the boy go. She had to know that it was the wrong decision. We'd be hearing from him again, I was certain.

We walked inside, and she shut the old, creaky door behind her. Unable to suppress my anger anymore, I suddenly turned to face her. "We agreed that the boy would've been safest in the Circle!" I snapped. I couldn't control my temper. "What happened to that idea?"

Hawke just shook her head, her eyes pleading with me. "It was as if I had to send Bethany to the Circle…I couldn't do it! He's just a boy. He doesn't need to be locked away for the rest of his life."

"So his freedom is worth him falling at the hands of demons, or resorting to blood magic?"

"Surely he won't-"

"You don't know that!" I had stepped closer to her. "Hawke," I said, and she looked at me, knowing that I was upset with her. "Mages are unpredictable and dangerous. You cannot let pity allow you to let them loose. They are a danger to not only us, but themselves as well."

Hawke was quiet as I spoke, and she looked away from my eyes. She turned her gaze to the floor. I wondered what was going through her head as I tried to calm down. "I know," she suddenly spoke. "I can't help it though. The mages remind me of Bethany. I could never send her to the Circle. What if it was your sister?" She asked me.

"I…do not know," I admitted. "If I had a sibling before I received my markings, I do not remember. I can't imagine what it would feel like to have to send them away. But would you rather lose her to the Circle, where she would at least be alive and safe from demons, or deal with the pain of her becoming an abomination?"

As I asked the question, Hawke was silent, still looking at the floor. "I guess that's true," she said quietly. "I need some time to think."

With that, she left the mansion, and I didn't know where she went. She didn't visit for a while after that. I tried not to worry, because we still fought thugs and helped out those in need during the day, so I knew she wasn't in any harm, but I wondered why she was practically avoiding me.

Another conflict with mages arose; there was a group of mages hiding in caverns on the Wounded Cost. A templar wanted us to deal with them before more templars arrived and punished them severely. We found them, and we learned that their leader had resorted to blood magic. After fighting him, killing him in the process, one of mages begged us to spare them.

I read Hawke's face, observing the guilt in her features. She ended up letting them go as well.

Later, as we left the Wounded Coast, I couldn't hold myself back any longer. I suddenly stopped walking. "Why did you let them go?" I asked, and the group stopped and turned to look at me.

"I just…I don't know," Hawke replied sheepishly.

"You don't know."

She looked as if she were about to say something, but she shook her head and turned around, continuing to walk forward, and I followed her with the group. I could not grasp an understanding of her indecisiveness. I was not exactly angry with her, but I was hurt that my opinion must have not mattered to her. This would definitely be a conversation for another day, at least. But now, we were all tired after the battle with the blood mage.

That night I went to the Hanged Man, and I expected to see Hawke there, but I did not. I saw Varric, Isabela, and Anders playing cards, but that was it.

Varric was the first to notice my entrance. "Hey, it's the broody elf! Come, join our game."

"I don't _brood_," I said sternly. I then shook my head. "Maybe not tonight, but I'll join another time. Where is Hawke?"

Varric shrugged, and I avoided looking at Isabela, knowing that she was probably piecing together something dirty in her mind about me and the provocative rogue. "I don't know," Varric said. "I was about to ask you that. She usually comes here at night to play cards with us."

I nodded. I then walked out of the bar and headed towards the docks, needing some time to think. Surprisingly, I found Hawke sitting in my spot. "Aren't you cold?" I asked her, feeling a sense of déjà vu.

She laughed. She must have felt it, as well. She then turned to face me, a small smile on her face. "I just needed some time to myself," she said quietly. "I've been thinking about what you've been telling me."

"I see." I said, and I traced a hint of bitterness that laced itself over my words. Hawke's smile faded, and she turned back towards the ocean. I felt my heart beat faster in my chest. I didn't understand why, but I was suddenly nervous. I was finally confronting her about her actions lately, but I didn't even know what to say. I felt angry.

I heard a soft murmur, and realized that Hawke had said something under her breath. "What?" I asked.

"You wouldn't understand what it's like to have someone that you care about," she murmured again, louder this time so that her words were audible. They struck at me, and my anger rose.

"They were taken away from me, and wiped away from my memory! _You_ don't understand what it's like to know you had people you cared for that you don't even remember now and will never see again!"

Hawke was quiet, looking straight up at me. I watched her as she swallowed nervously, and I felt my hands twitch. I could practically feel the tension in the air. Hawke stood slowly, never taking her eyes off of me. "But there's still that fear of caring for someone, because you might lose them. Isn't there?" She spoke quietly.

I had no response. I had never wanted anyone to be able to read me like she could. I was speechless, staring at her as she stared back at me. She was moving into my life too fast, lock-picking every locked door of my soul as well as she could lock-pick a real door. Being the rogue she was, she was sneaking into my life and I knew that eventually I'd feel the impact of the knife she would stab into my back.

But suddenly, another thought entered my mind as we stood there wordless. I wondered if I could have someone to care for. I had never known the feeling because memories of my family were wiped away, along with any memories of caring for anyone. Before I had realized it, my hand had risen to Hawke's face, and I brushed my thumb along her cheek, careful not to cut her with the talons of my gauntlets. I began to pull her close to me, letting these unknown senses take over, but all at once Hawke's hand gripped my wrist tightly and pulled my hand away from her.

I looked into Hawke's eyes, snapping back into my senses as I saw the sorrow that coated them. She began to walk past me as she released her grip on my wrist. "H-Hawke, I," was all I managed to stutter out as I turned around and watched her go.

I lowered my head and rubbed my temples, feeling like an idiot. I beat myself up with my thoughts as I progressed back to the mansion, and those unknown feelings that had taken me over began to dissolve.

Unknowingly to me at the time, a madman was then sending out white lilies to lovely young ladies, who knew not that doom awaited each one of them.


End file.
